As part of my ongoing series to make business psychology models more simple and practical, I seek to address the question:
What is Resilience?
Simple question. Difficult answer.
It’s an interesting thing that we all seem to know what ‘resilience’ means, until we are asked to define it. Is it something to do with dealing with pressure? Or maybe it’s about bouncing back from failure? Or is it the ability the adapt to changing circumstances?
What is clear is that there is no accepted definition of ‘resilience’. Which, let’s be honest, makes this blog a bit difficult! But I think we can all agree, it’s important to have. Perhaps now more than ever. So, let’s focus on what we do know.
As a psychologist, resilience is best considered as the set of attitudes, emotional responses and mental strategies that help us deal with adversity. It is not the circumstances that determine how resilient you are, but your interpretations, attitudes and beliefs towards those circumstances. In effect, it is what you tell yourself about the world that influences how successful you are in dealing with it.
As I write this, we are a couple of weeks into the lockdown resulting from the Covid-19 pandemic. And, like anyone, I have gone through a roller-coaster of emotion from sadness, anxiety, anger, despair, to hope, confidence, and back again. And I have found it useful to remind myself that a) these emotions are normal, and b) these emotions are not imposed on me, but instead created by me.
As a coach, I have spent my life working with individuals to enable them to be better, happier and more productive. Sometimes, the focus of our conversations is on practical matters like influencing or strategic thinking. But more often than not, clients are interested in exploring less tangible aspects such as confidence and resilience. This is where a cognitive-behavioural approach is helpful.
Put simply, this approach looks not at practical skills, but challenges and changes unhelpful thinking errors. It pushes you to consider your internal monologue and what you tell yourself about your current situation.
Consider this example...
You are ambitious and keen to be promoted. You have taken the brave step in applying for a more senior role, but you are very anxious about the upcoming interview. The activating event is the job interview. And your emotional response is one of anxiety, stress and fear of it all going hideously wrong.
But in between the event and the response is you and your beliefs. What are you telling yourself that is resulting in these negative emotions? Perhaps it is the following:
“The job interview will be awful”
“I am always crap at interviewing”
“I need to get this job or I will be a failure”
Armed with this insight, you now have chance to reframe your inner monologue. For example:
“The interview may be difficult, but it is unlikely to be awful”
“I have a job right now, so I am living proof that I am not always crap at interviewing”
“Yes, I really want this job, but there are others, so do I really need this job??”
By regaining realistic perspective on the challenge, you are now free to focus on what you can do differently. By accepting that it will be challenging, but not impossible, you can focus on preparing the best image of yourself. By accepting that failure is an option, but will not define you forever, you embrace the opportunity for what it is; a chance to learn and develop, regardless of outcome.
So, during the hard times, ask yourself the following:
Is your belief logical, realistic and, above all, helpful?
Is your belief getting you where you need to be?
Is your belief helping you stay focused and motivated to move forward?
If the answer to any of these is ‘no’, then it is time to ask yourself what you can change. Remember, we can’t control which difficulties we encounter, but we can control how we respond to them. Tapping into thinking errors and actively reframing our response can provide the perspective we need to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Want to know more? Give us a call on 07768 464680.